To This Day
by Anomily
Summary: Because sometimes we don't have anyone, sometimes we are alone in the world because nobody cares enough to ask if you're feeling alright. Kurt Hummel has felt that for years, until his dad sent him the therapy to get help. Only to fall for someone unexpected.


Inspirations, inspirations. Oh ayye, I've been sick, and I've been missing school. Boo.T

The actual poem I used was from Shane Koyczan "To This Day"

* * *

"Kurt, I've heard some rumors around your school, when I went to your school to pick you up for you session.. That you have some, strong feelings towards me"

Blaine said rubbing both his hands together

Kurt fixed his glasses, pulling his sleeves down, which did the job of hiding every scar he could've ever made to himself in the past. He kept his eyes dull and emotionless as he tried to do always.

"What do you mean?"

Kurt asked in a cold tone. That hurt Blaine, because after 2 years of therapy sessions he had broken down every damn wall Kurt had created, hell he had held him at his weakest points when he broke down sobbing in his arms.

"Kurt, stop. Don't give me that coldness, don't give me the attitude"

Blaine said reaching over his desk

Confused? Here comes an explanation

* * *

Kurt was 14 when his dad saw the scars on his arms and sent him to therapy with Dr Barnes, though sadly he had to retire and a new therapist Blaine Anderson, a new guy, straight from Stanford University.

Kurt was a stubborn boy, always got what he wanted. Though after being hurt so much, he just gave up. Though he couldn't give up the undeniable attraction that had grown from like, to something scarier. On both sides of the desk.

Now that you're caught up, here we go

* * *

Kurt rolled his eyes toying with his perfect nails, ignoring Blaine's requests as Blaine walked out of the room saying

"I'll be back in five, don't leave, I know where you live"

Kurt shrugged, putting in his earphones, to his favorite song by Bring Me The Horizon.

_What doesn't kill you, makes you wish you were dead_

_Got a hole in my soul getting deeper and deeper_

_and I can't take_

_One more moment, of this silence_

_The loneliness is haunting me _

_And the weight of the world's getting harder to hold up_

_It comes in waves, I close my eyes, hold my breath and let it bury me_

_I'm not okay and it's not alright_

_Won't you drain the lake and bring me home again_

_Who will fix me now_

_Dive in when I'm down_

_Save me from myself, Don't let me drown_

_Who will make me fine_

_Drag me out alive_

_Save me from myself_

_Don't let me-_

"Kurt!" Blaine yelled taking out Kurt's earphones Kurt jumped in surprise as Blaine went to sit down on the other side of his desk

"Kurt… Do you have some… Um, stronger than best friend feelings for me? Because-"

Kurt interrupted him before he got a chance to explain with his ice cold tone

"No. I don't. I don't like you."

Kurt could feel his throat closing up but he ignored it because he couldn't show any sign of indifference, it had led to, too many problems, he certainly did not need another.

Blaine reached over the table to Kurt's hand but Kurt snatched it away

"Kurt, come on! Stop acting like that, we've been through so much together! We've made some remarkable changes in your life! As well as mine!" Blaine said his eyes pleading

Kurt forced himself to shrug though his heart had a lump from all the feelings he had kept inside, nobody could know of. Only one person knew of those feeling, and as annoying and as much as he wanted to punch her sometimes, Rachel Barbra Berry was his only real friend other than Blaine.

Blaine sighed heavily, looking disappointed "Our hour and a half is up, but if you wanna leave-" before Blaine could finish Kurt was slamming the door shut behind him, leaving Blaine in the emptiness of his thoughts.

* * *

"Hello Kurt! We do hope you're feeling better, remember, you're always welcome in our house" LeRoy said hugging Kurt who hugged back lightly

"Yes, is Rachel home?"

"Yes, she's in her room, watching reality television or something" LeRoy shrugged, heading back to the kitchen where he was preparing dinner.

Kurt ran up the stairs to find Rachel in her pajamas in her ridiculously pink room. He hopped on the bed taking off his shoes as Rachel squealed and hugged him

"How was Mr. Anderson" Rachel teased waggling her eyebrows

Kurt pushed her and sighed heavily laying down on Rachel's comfortable bed

"What's wrong Kurt?" Rachel asked lowering the tv volume to have all the attention of Kurt

"He knows….. I have strong feelings for him… I just denied them all and basically ran out of his office…"

Rachel smacked him on the chest rather hard for being such an idiot

"Kurt! Go talk to him! You've been at his house before, show him your lovers side, because I remember walking in on you in the shower, and damn if you were straight-"

Kurt shot up from the bed blushing red kissing Rachel's cheek promising all the details when he came back from Blaine's house.

* * *

Kurt walked up to Kurt's house fixing his glasses knocking as he waited for Blaine to answer the door biting his lower lip, when a tall, undeniably gorgeous, shirtless man, with raven black hair and sharp blue eyes came with only flannel pajama pants

"Are you the pizza guy, because we ordered a couple 20 minutes ago.."

Kurt shook his head, his eyes brimming with tears as he cleared his throat

"Can, you give this to Blaine? It's from Kurt"

"Are you okay? I can call Blaine right now if you'd like.."

Kurt shook his head walking away from the door his hands in his pockets in deep shame as he heard Blaine's voice "Cooper? Who was it- Kurt? Kurt!"

Kurt wiped his eyes and kept walking to his car, which he had conveniently parked quite far away, he jumped when Blaine touched his shoulder and began to run as fast as possible.

Yes, Kurt was an incredibly fast runner, but Blaine had played soccer for 7 years of his schooling life, so of course he was fast and he caught up in no time circling his arms around Kurt's waist stopping from

"Don't touch me! I don't need your pity!" Kurt tried to break the grip, but Blaine just brought them to their knees, Kurt refused to looked at him as he struggle

"No….baby stop! Baby please!" Blaine pleaded with Kurt as Kurt struggled to be set free eventually jumping on Blaine sobbing his heart out, like he had done a lot in the past few years he had known Blaine

Blaine hummed and rubbed his back nodding when Cooper drove by mouthing how he would come back another day

Kurt was skinny, Blaine managed to wrap his legs around his waist and his arms around his neck as he crossed the street Kurt breathing in Blaine's scent as Blaine locked the door and walked up the stairs with Kurt around him.

Blaine set Kurt down on his bed sitting next to him

"I love you Kurt, not as your therapist, or best friend, but as a 24 year old guy, who has strong feelings for another guy and wants to date him, and treat him as he should be treated"

Kurt smiled and grabbed Blaine's hand

"I love you too, not as your patient, or your best friend, but as someone who has been broken for a long time, and wants to be with you." Kurt blushed looking away as Blaine kissed his cheek

"If you want to be my boyfriend, I would be incredibly glad."

Kurt nodded hugging Blaine who smiled

"I don't mean to take things too quickly.. But if you want we can cuddle in bed.." Blaine offered as Kurt nodded silently

"I don't have proper… attire to be in someone's bed"

Blaine stood tossing a silver t-shirt and flannel pajamas at Kurt, pointing him to the restroom

* * *

Kurt's dad had let him stay over because he thought they were still friends.

Kurt lay far off on the bed staring at the ceiling, feeling awkward, though Blaine wouldn't have any of it as he pulled Kurt's to the center of the bed having them face one another, as he spooned Kurt

Their noses were touch as Blaine stared at Kurt's lips licking his own as if asking for permission, as Kurt nodded as Blaine softly kissed his lips pulling away after a little smiling as Kurt covered his face with his hands blushing red.

Blaine uncovered Kurt's face and looked down on his wrists seeing the shame in Kurt's eyes welling up.

"Kurt, you shouldn't be ashamed. You've been clean for over 8 months! I'm so proud of you Kurt"

Kurt shrugged gasping when Blaine kissed every scar he had made for himself. Every bad day, everything he had ever messed up, he had marked himself for it.

When Blaine finished, he reached over to get Kurt's notebook asking with his eyes if he could read it.

"Go ahead, I trust you."

Blaine gleamed at Kurt's comment and kissed him leaving a bright red Kurt laying on the bed beside him as he opened the notebook to a familiar page where Kurt had been working on for months.

_I'm not the only kid_

_who grew up this way_

_surrounded by people who used to say_

_that rhyme about sticks and stones_

_as if broken bones_

_hurt more than the names we got called_

_and we got called them all_

_so we grew up believing no one_

_would ever fall in love with us_

_that we'd be lonely forever_

_that we'd never meet someone_

_to make us feel like the sun_

_was something they built for us_

_in their tool shed_

_so broken heart strings bled the blues_

_as we tried to empty ourselves_

_so we would feel nothing_

_don't tell me that hurts less than a broken bone_

_that an ingrown life_

_is something surgeons can cut away_

_that there's no way for it to metastasize_

_it does_

_she was eight years old_

_our first day of grade three_

_when she got called ugly_

_we both got moved to the back of the class_

_so we would stop get bombarded by spit balls_

_but the school halls were a battleground_

_where we found ourselves outnumbered day after wretched day_

_we used to stay inside for recess_

_because outside was worse_

_outside we'd have to rehearse running away_

_or learn to stay still like statues giving no clues that we were there_

_in grade five they taped a sign to her desk_

_that read beware of dog_

_to this day_

_despite a loving husband_

_she doesn't think she's beautiful_

_because of a birthmark_

_that takes up a little less than half of her face_

_kids used to say she looks like a wrong answer_

_that someone tried to erase_

_but couldn't quite get the job done_

_and they'll never understand_

_that she's raising two kids_

_whose definition of beauty_

_begins with the word mom_

_because they see her heart_

_before they see her skin_

_that she's only ever always been amazing_

_he_

_was a broken branch_

_grafted onto a different family tree_

_adopted_

_but not because his parents opted for a different destiny_

_he was three when he became a mixed drink_

_of one part left alone_

_and two parts tragedy_

_started therapy in 8th grade_

_had a personality made up of tests and pills_

_lived like the uphills were mountains_

_and the downhills were cliffs_

_four fifths suicidal_

_a tidal wave of anti depressants_

_and an adolescence of being called popper_

_one part because of the pills_

_and ninety nine parts because of the cruelty_

_he tried to kill himself in grade ten_

_when a kid who still had his mom and dad_

_had the audacity to tell him "get over it" as if depression_

_is something that can be remedied_

_by any of the contents found in a first aid kit_

_to this day_

_he is a stick on TNT lit from both ends_

_could describe to you in detail the way the sky bends_

_in the moments before it's about to fall_

_and despite an army of friends_

_who all call him an inspiration_

_he remains a conversation piece between people_

_who can't understand_

_sometimes becoming drug free_

_has less to do with addiction_

_and more to do with sanity_

_we weren't the only kids who grew up this way_

_to this day_

_kids are still being called names_

_the classics were_

_hey stupid_

_hey spaz_

_seems like each school has an arsenal of names_

_getting updated every year_

_and if a kid breaks in a school_

_and no one around chooses to hear_

_do they make a sound?_

_are they just the background noise_

_of a soundtrack stuck on repeat_

_when people say things like_

_kids can be cruel?_

_every school was a big top circus tent_

_and the pecking order went_

_from acrobats to lion tamers_

_from clowns to carnies_

_all of these were miles ahead of who we were_

_we were freaks_

_lobster claw boys and bearded ladies_

_oddities_

_juggling depression and loneliness playing solitaire spin the bottle_

_trying to kiss the wounded parts of ourselves and heal_

_but at night_

_while the others slept_

_we kept walking the tightrope_

_it was practice_

_and yeah_

_some of us fell_

_but I want to tell them_

_that all of this shit_

_is just debris_

_leftover when we finally decide to smash all the things we thought_

_we used to be_

_and if you can't see anything beautiful about yourself_

_get a better mirror_

_look a little closer_

_stare a little longer_

_because there's something inside you_

_that made you keep trying_

_despite everyone who told you to quit_

_you built a cast around your broken heart_

_and signed it yourself_

_you signed it_

"_they were wrong"_

_because maybe you didn't belong to a group or a clique_

_maybe they decided to pick you last for basketball or everything_

_maybe you used to bring bruises and broken teeth_

_to show and tell but never told_

_because how can you hold your ground_

_if everyone around you wants to bury you beneath it_

_you have to believe that they were wrong_

_they have to be wrong_

_why else would we still be here?_

_we grew up learning to cheer on the underdog_

_because we see ourselves in them_

_we stem from a root planted in the belief_

_that we are not what we were called we are not abandoned cars stalled out and sitting empty on a highway_

_and if in some way we are_

_don't worry_

_we only got out to walk and get gas_

_we are graduating members from the class of_

_fuck off we made it_

_not the faded echoes of voices crying out_

_names will never hurt me_

_of course_

_they did_

_but our lives will only ever always_

_continue to be_

_a balancing act_

_that has less to do with pain_

_and more to do with beauty._

Blaine wiped at his eyes when he finished the poem Kurt had written.

"It's not even that good" Kurt shrugged

Blaine jumped on Kurt grabbing his face in his hands

"Don't you dare, that was the single most beautiful poem I have ever encountered in my entire fucking life Kurt. I fucking love that poem as much as I love you!" Blaine sealed off the comment with a kiss leaving Kurt breathless

Kurt nodded and hugged Blaine close to his body until they were both fast asleep

_but our lives will only ever always_

_continue to be_

_a balancing act_

_that has less to do with pain_

_and more to do with beauty._

* * *

Thank you for reading, it probably wasn't good, but thanks for reading! :) 


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